Death and Hedgehog - The Story

- Called for me?
- No.
- You're lying.
- Yes, actually I'm lying, just simply you're so ugly that I regretted that I called.
- It's too late to regret, tell me, I'm listening.
- And what to tell?
- You may think, not tell, if you want. Anyway, I'll find out what you think about.
- Well, then think about what?
- I need arguments. I didn't come by myself, you called for me. Now explain, why I need you.
- Maybe you can without explanations? With no reason?
- Then all of you, stupid hedgehog, would have been already dead. Do you think the phrase like "Oh, when will I finally die?" is enough? More than that, I'm not a girl, not working for you to perform your every little fantasy. Speak, or I'll come for you later, by myself, but when you will want to live.
- Well...ehh...everything is...bad...rubbishy...
- Not enough.
- Okay, I'll tell. But you don't out with it to anyone?
- Whom to? Those who, after meeting me will be dead?
- Maybe they won't, you nearly left me a second ago.
- Well, I promise to keep quiet.
- Ok. Generally speaking, no one needs me.
- Is that all? Why so much secrecy?
- Don't you understand? It's been a long time already.
- ...
- What you're staring at? I said - a long time.
- Well, well, a long time, and what ...
- So in fact, it is a violation. You overlooked me, but had to pick me up long since.
- What did you say?
- Just so. Thoughts aloud. OOOOuuuch!
- What a nice needle, with meat. Mmmmmm ... You got a lot of them, right?
- You're all right?! It hurts!!!
- How did you know, stinkpot, about the Threshold of Irrelevance?
- By myself, somehow, just guessed right ... Ah!
- Guessed right? Look, you are a hedgehog! I mean it, you - small, smelly, brainless hedgehog. It is a Balance, prescribed by billions of years ago, when the Universe was created in the Great Battle of Darkness and Light. And you are sitting on a stump, and saying that you "guessed right!" In short, come on, spit it out, otherwise I will slowly rip out your damned needles, long and hard, until you give me the last little drop of your soul.
- I ... th ... th ... I ...
- Do you know what you've done, skunk, piece of hedgehog! How could you, with your lousy piece of brain, understand that beings die only when they become more irrelevant than needful to the world? When those who do not need them are more than those who need, even if they both do not know about you? When the balance for at least a gram outweighs the benefit of the first? Letting you go, what a bias will it trigger in the fight for being more needful, for your perishable life! You will let it out to everyone. Yes, I have definetely to finish you right away!
- And why are you so talkative?
- Shut up! Who else knows?
- No one. ÀÀÀÀÀÀÀ! It hurts!!
- Who?
- I'm telling the truth, nobodyyyyyyyyyouch!!
- I'M GOING TO PULL OUT ONE BY ONE ALL OF YOUR MISERABLE NEEDLES, AND ONLY WHEN THE LAST NEEDLE LEAVES YOUR BLOODED SHAPELESS CARCASE, AND I STILL DON'T FIND OUT WHO ELSE KNOWS, I'LL BELIEVE YOU.
- What the ...? It is you who fouled up, lost the moment, gave me time to think, now you go nuts. Look, I'm sitting here for a month already, alone and dead drunk. Not a single soul in the mile ... g... g... go away.
- I like your sense of humor. Although, you reassured me. Looks like you're not lying. Guess you alone would be quite enough to take. Note, not to harry to death, but simply to take with me. And not everyone you know, only you. Rejoice, insect. Indeed, nobody's perfect, even me...
- Heigh-ho, why growling, I called for her myself..., - exhaled the hedgehog and inconspicuously threw the dictaphone under the tree stump.